As I sit by your bed, I cry. Big tears silently run down my cheeks as I talk to you, stare and marvel at your every move and love you. But I wonder, why? Oh, I know the whole hormones are a little crazy, this was a little unexpected, a little overwhelming, but why? When we have so much to be grateful for as we look at the other babies in the NICU.I realized last night..........
You are my (our) last baby and I lost out on 6 weeks of carrying you inside me and rejoicing in your every kick and turn. I didn't get to work so hard to get you out and be almost the FIRST to see you. I didn't get to touch and love your slimy body as you were just minutes old. I wasn't the first to change your diaper or feed you or kiss your cute little cheeks. There hasn't been hours of snuggling close as we try to figure this nursing thing out together. Your cutest big brother and sisters can't even see you or meet you. For pete's sake - I haven't even held you yet.
So why do I cry - because of what I missed out on. This isn't what I pictured or dreamed of. But what I've got is better than that. I've got you Abby, safe and sound. Growing bigger and stronger each day. Being helped by angels who are (almost) as good as mom. So please just excuse the tears as mom is having some of her own growing pains.
PS I got to change a poopy diaper today! yahoo!!!
I was concerned about the way she was moving/not moving and decided to come and get it checked out. The placenta wasn't giving her the oxygen or food she needed so the umbilical cord was trying so hard to compensate that it had almost shut itself down overworking. Abby was delivered by emergency c-section just hours after I got to the hospital. She is in the NeoNatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) being very well taken care of. She has been breathing on her own since she was delivered (just needed a little help at the beginning). Her biggest battle is her glucose levels right now. They just won't stay up where they need to be. But she is starting to eat - the nurse last night said, "she didn't love the last bottle we gave her, but she ate about half." I thought that was a funny way to describe it. 
I think Barry and I are still in shock. I am sure glad he made it home from school. I had a dream before he left that I had the baby while he was gone. And I have to tell you - that little Abby looks just like she did in my dream. I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for helping me (and Barry) to know when to get to the hospital, for allowing Barry to be home, for good family and friends to pray for us and take care of us and for the safe arrival of Abigail Ruth Street. You are our gift from above and we love you already sweet girl.
